


static

by orphan_account



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Mental Instability, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, background fontcest, in which i work out my problems through fictional characters haha, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-08 18:15:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14111196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: what's worse? being in pain, or being completely numb?





	static

it starts as a ping  
out of nowhere, the mood drops, not entirely noticeable but anything will trigger it. a sound, a smell, a texture. he tries to evade, not let it consume him. not because he wants to be happy, but being sad is tiring, crying is embarrassing. it's more inconvenient than anything.  
he eats a lot more. waking up covered in wrappers, his shirt spattered in stains, various other messes around him. he feels like a slob. he is a slob. it's all junk too, sugar, fat and grease. it also makes his mood worse.  
sometimes he doesn't eat at all. what's the point? eating just makes him feel worse. until he passes out in front of a friend, then he's just an inconvenience. that's all he is to his friends after all, an inconvenience. all his little quirks and moments, it just makes their lives harder.

it turns to a cut  
he misses his friends. they didn't go anywhere, they just seem distant. he talks to them less and they never come of their own volition. they don't like him, he's not interesting so why would they talk to him?  
he screams alot. lashing out at whoever is nearest. pushing people to tears just for the hell of it. borderline abusive at times. maybe thats why he can't keep a relationship in one piece.  
he cries alot. and he never really wants to. crying requires explanation. everyone worries and everyone judges. if he could just learn to suffer only on the inside, things would be better.  
his brother worries the most. constantly asking it he's okay and being the voice of reason.  
he hates it. his brother doesn't deserve this. he doesn't deserve to find him barely alive in the bathroom some mornings, or to pick him up when he too lazy to walk. or to keep him happy. in any way he can.  
he sleeps with him sometimes. he doesn't love him more than a brother, but sex kinda helps him feel something, even for a moment. it hurts when he says that he loves him, it hurts to hear his soft, sweet moans, it hurts but at least it hurts. it could be worse.

it turns to a fog.  
its hard to see, it's hard to do much, but there's still the pain. it's dull but it's there. it confirms he's alive, at least for now.  
he constantly debates when he's awake or asleep. they sort of become one in the same. it's difficult to keep his eyes open though.  
he wakes up in morning, but kind of wishes he didn't. nothing happens, nothing changes, he's done all of this before. it doesn't matter.  
his brother wants to lay beside him on the couch, hold his hand, be together.  
he doesn't. he doesn't love him. he doesn't love anyone.  
he debates taking a walk. he debates jumping off a cliff.  
he debates having one drink with friends. he debates drinking alone until he passes out.  
it hurts, but it could be worse. it could be--

it turns to static.  
there's nothing except white noise. everyone's voices sound the same. nothing's enjoyable.  
he doesn't cry, he doesn't scream, he doesn't do anything. nothing hurts or pleases. he's numb.  
he stops taking care of himself, letting himself decay. his teeth hurt when he eats and his bones ache. but he doesn't feel it and he doesn't care.  
he wishes he could feel. he wishes he felt a spark when his brother kissed him, or a sting when feel out of his bed, he wants to feel something.  
his brother is scared. he wants to fix him but he feels helpless.  
he's eventually going to kill them both.  
he wishes that he could care,  
but he doesnt.

**Author's Note:**

> yeaaaaah.  
> so while i was working on a happier piece but then starting having a mental breakdown so why not do a small thing where i vent my problems through a character i relate to alot  
> i promise i'll be posting something alot longer and with more thought put into it soon


End file.
